|
Bishounen_Fey
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Jason
Birthday: 1/26/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: martial arts, spirituality, yoga (and yes, I can do that you dirty, dirty mind you), video games, anime, looney toons, The Sandman, Eddie Izzard, being slinxy, and other vagueries as well!
Expertise: lurking
Occupation: Executive
Industry: Retail
Message: message me
AIM:  evilpuck87
Member Since:
4/17/2004
|
|
|
There have been so many things I have wanted to be. I guess there will be so many more to come as well. I don't know why I do the things I do, not really. Often, I don't like the things I do, but I try hard to like myself and to keep others happy. I'm sorry for having failed in my duties as a friend to anyone. Also, I'm sorry to anyone I never befriended, whatever my reasons.
About three years ago, you all would have known a very different person. 1400 miles away, I knew a boy who was naive and innocent. He didn't know the difference between a Buddhist and a Taoist, or how to meditate, nor did he know a thing about martial arts. I realize now how precious those days were. I had a girl that loved me and I was happy with that, and I had a best friend who made me imagine and dream of worlds so much stranger than this one, who would have given serious consideration to taking a bullet for me. I really didn't need anything else then.
How times have changed, eh? I have many close friends who's words and lives have given me strength, parents who do the best they can, and my best friend (with whom I value my relationship to an indescribable degree) and I rarely understand each other. Things are still pretty good, right?
....I miss that boy, that boy who wanders lost in an ocean of deductive reasoning and cold honestly. When'd I get so hard-hearted and scared of the world?
This is probably gonna be my last post for a long while. Let's say indefinitely. I'll comment and respond sometimes, not that I tend to do that now anyway. Ask me for anything, and I swear by my honor and my bond as a friend, I'll move the sky and the stars to grant your request. | | |
| "It's not that kind of road."
Sometimes, I need to weed because I forget what I have planted. As a boy of only 19, amazing things have been done for, to, and by me. Not the greatest of these amazing things is the release of water vapor from grates on sidewalks. Not the smallest of these is the immence patience and forgiveness that so many people show to me on a daily basis for the myriad weights I hold and cuts I make. To anyone who reads this, and to everyone who does not I am grateful for the gifts you give me every day.
Recently, the turnings of thought have lead me to question the very nature of spirituality. I think, in relation to me, this alteration of a quote I read today is appropriate;"I am tired of being spiritual in theory, so I will just be spiritual."
Being what I am...I doubt. Having spent these last few days in a "dark night of the soul" as the term was romantically coined by Jaime Samms, doubt has been the word of the hour. Now, though, it's time to rest, and let the night end. | | |
| I have read today that the thing that differentiates animals from man is the power to communicate. Whereas animals can signal to each other, it is the gift of the human that we are "conscious" of ourselves and our present and are able to communicate that, in detail, to other people around us.
Words have power. As I write this, what I have just written is spinning itself in your minds, I imagine. My words will weave a thought, a structure that you can hold to about to whether or not you agree with what I have written. Thus, I have affected a change or a birth in your consciousness of words, which is a powerful thing.
If you were to say something powerful, something you greatly want to transmit to yourself and others in a single word, what would that word be? Mine is believe. | | |
| "if it weren't for your perpetual cheerfulness you'd be downright frightening. You are a true original, and no one can tell which way you'll spring next. It's everything or nothing for you"
-Excerpt from astrological description of a fire tiger
This is becoming a truer statement by the hour. I set a goal for myself three months ago, and for the last few weeks it has consumed my every action, an inexhaustable flame setting all obstacles and doubts ablaze. Thanks to the one who helped feed that flame, I owe you much warmth.
Now the ashes have settled and a time for renewel begins. I just got a wide-screen TV, and I can't wait to watch some saturday morning cartoons. I'm wearing my sunglasses at night, and I'm gonna chill like an ice cube in a volcano.
Happy new year, and may the dog be loyal to you and yours! | | |
| So yeah, birthdays. For the longest time, it was just another day, one where I had to make a conscious effort to remind myself that it was the day for celebrating the time when I came kicking and screaming, bruised and fat, into the world. TONIGHT WAS AWESOME! Thanks to Rafe, Gen, Alex, Aidan, Emily, Christen, and all the poeple that called, IM'ed, flew in from other countries, sent galactic representatives, and created planets named in my honor. Recently, the idea of a personal year passing has become much more meaningful, representing series of horrible and wonderful and just plain average things that give the previous year flavor and scent, vivid memory...and fondue.
Not much else to say I'm afraid. I'm breaking my back for...probably entirely selfish reasons, but I'd like to think it's the good kind of selfish.I sometimes regret my form, as though I'm not as vibrant in the world as I wish to be...or perhaps not the right color or flavor. I feel like a windy spring day, when I wish I were a beach at sunset. I wonder...if I were my shadow, how would you think of me? Better yet, how would I think of me? Well, rather than turning the lights off, I'd probably put on some shades...but that would just make me look like a druggie, now wouldn't it?
I can come on so very strong, like essence pure in its vial. Nothing carries me, diffuses my strength into water like a tea. A tea sometimes too bitter. | | |
|
